| stuff happens or not at allllllllll |
[06 Feb 2005|01:58pm] |
catchy title... dontcha think?
I started writing this when i was all ambiend up last night. I kept the title the same cause it makes sense... NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!
So a couple of interesting things happened the other day:
(1) Every now and then when I walk to the bus and I'm half awake my legs decide to stop working correctly. This happened the other day when I was about about half way to the bus stop. All of a sudden I couldn't walk right. My legs kept wanting to bend when they weren't supposed to and locking up in funny ways. To sum it up, I was walking like a gimped out toddler on crack. Because I was moving at a snails pace and my bus was soon to arive I had to do something... I figured out I could still walk backwards alright, so I walked backwards to the bus stop. That must have looked awesome to passing cars.
(2) When I got on the 6 bus and my legs were working correctly again I moved all the way to the back and chilled out listening to a mix of The Servant, Muse, and Depeche Mode. That was all fine. What was interesting was that the bus goes through the ghetto area that is East High so all sorts of delinquent youth use that bus when they skip school. Some girl at the other end of the bus pulled the cord to get off but instead of getting off the bus she ran back by where I was and up to another girl who was sitting about 3 feet away from me. "You di'in haff ta hit me" said the one who ran to the back, "But i di' hit you" says girl #2. Then girl #1 reared back making the characteristic "about-to-spit" noise. "That girl is about to get her face spat on," I thought to myself... A second later she was in fact getting her face spat on. I was right.
What ensued was the most dramatic bitch fight I have ever seen. Pulling hair, shrill shrieks, clawing, literally throwing each other around the back of the (moving) bus and on to other people. I lost track of which was girl #1 and which was girl #2 but one of them landed on me. It should be noted that when I refer to them as "girls" I don't mean to imply that they were small. I was pretty much pinned... Then the other one landed on me as well.
Not only were they now both on top of me, but they were both still hitting each other and every wind-up was hitting me in either the face, chest or stomach. Good times. They were goin at it for a good 3 minutes and then they stopped and got off of me. "YOU GOT'CHO ASS KICKED, BITCH!" said girl #1 or 2... They were pretty much interchangeable. I walked away feeling like... Well feeling like two large girls just had a bitch fight on top of me. Somehow during all of this I had skinned the back of my hand which bled for some time. It wasn't anything i couldn't handle.
Thats all for now.
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| hmmm... |
[05 Feb 2005|09:20pm] |
oh how i love mistranslated passages of text:
"This full-length film with the relents of gore (serial killer, carnage... all is there) will charm the amateurs of the kind who will probably like themselves to decipher it like a homage vibrating and visceral with some traditional of the kind of which Massacre to the slicer, Friday 13, Halloween, Nerves with sharp or, especially, Maniac of William Lustig."
that by the way is the "translated" description for Haute Tension on amazon.fr (it was in french)
i would like to check out the movies it references though (Massacre To The Slicer and Nerves With Sharp)
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[19 Jan 2005|06:41pm] |
Yo mama so ugly that when she looks in the mirror... the ugly rays bounce back at her and slit her throat!!
AND I'M BACK!
looking at my last post, it would appear that i haven't been here since november sometime. damn.
surprisingly (or not maybe) nothing really has happened to me that is worth reporting. i went to california to visit joel (that kicked some ass) and finished the first semester of school. that's pretty much it.
peace out niggas!
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[26 Nov 2004|03:25pm] |
"Recently mugged in New York and given a serious cuncussion, I managed to stagger to a rather snobby friend's apartment. As she opened the door and saw me covered in blood, I'm told i blurted out, 'I've just killed five people and I've come to involve you.' Life is nothing without a good sense of humor."
-John Waters
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| Marco, Boy-Wonder And His Amazing Soul-Lotion Of Love |
[02 Nov 2004|03:18am] |
when I was downtown on Saturday I experienced one of those... moments... you know the ones where you see something and stop for a second because you are flooded with the notion that what you saw couldn't really have just happened... but it did.
THE SCENE:
There's a wall of riot cops blocking off a part of state street. No one can pass them. At the other end of the block there are riot cops walling off the street. No one can pass them either. Thus, 300 drunk college students are trapped in one block of state street. There are cops/snipers(?) on the rooftops of buildings, flood-lights overhead, and a fog of pepper spray floating in the air.
Most of the trapped students form their own wall right in front of the cops to yell at them. One of them, in his drunken glory spots the Taco Bell on the other side of the cop-wall. A chant starts: "WE WANT TACO BELL! WE WANT TACO BELL!..."
In the midst of the chaos, Pepper spray, the chanting for taco bell, and the drunk staggering idiots, a man in a giant penis costume lumbers up to the chanting group and disgustedly says, without a trace of irony, "christ, have some fucking dignity!"
that tripped me the hell out.
i rediscovered this golden quote from Marco, boy-wonder:
"some may think that when i touch you its just sexual... but its really my hands holding my soul and rubbing it all over you like lotion..."
Marco ranks along side Bill O'Reilly, Matthew Lesko, and Count Chocula as one of my personal heros. Besides being a boy wonder in his spare time, Marco is mad about/enjoys his existence as the token angsty testostorone kid.
The world he lives in is cruel and unforgiving and that's enough to make a guy angry, but he has found his light at the end of this dark, dark tunnal in which we are all stuck, and that light is his fiancé. He is 15, he likes fighting, and he's addicted to tattoos! just ask him!
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| The party isn't over 'till they tear-gas the shit out of everything |
[31 Oct 2004|05:26am] |
well tonight i went to Madison's anual downtown halloween riot. at first it was all in good fun. the alcohol was flying every which way and drunken Ronald McDonnalds were staggering about. the population of madison packed onto one street, everyone in costume.
all of a sudden there was the smell of smoke in the air. there was a fire somewhere. then people started uncontrollably hacking and the air became foggy. before ya knew it there were snipers on the rooftops (!!) there was lingering pepper spray wafting around, and riot cops in gas masks forming in lines.
love was in the air.
i was right on the front lines of all of this because... ya know... how the hell could i not wanna see what was going on? i payed my price though. a shot of pepper spray in my direction. the funny thing was it hardly affected me. people were fleeing, covering their nose and mouths with their shirt but i didn't need to. it had no effect.
there was not as much rioting as i had hoped, just cops being brutal with their crowd control techniques.
last week, joel was lamenting that he would not be able to attend this year and said, "get tear-gassed for me." well buddy, i inhaled once extra deep just for you before i bolted.
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| god damn it |
[30 Oct 2004|06:06pm] |
I was ganna update and bitch about how all of my plans for halloween fell through. I wrote the whole entry but i decided against posting it.
Instead i will give you some stupid drivel:
When i was in the psych ward, there was a boy there who had recently found God. God stopped him from blowing his head off with a shotgun... So i guess really he didn't find God, God just happened to walk in on him at an awkward moment. God moved the gun just as our young friend pulled the triger and instead of pulverizing his head, he lost some hearing. Thanks God.
Finding religion in a near death experience is fine. It's a great thing for some people (It certainly was for the kid who still has a head). A thousand different times I've caressed an artery with a blade, contemplating, "What if..." I'm still alive. Did God make my dicision for me. Do i make decisions at all, or does God have some sort of crazy
super-special secret agenda that everyone plays into?
I'M ON TO YOU, GOD!!!!!
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| Poppycock! |
[29 Oct 2004|12:39pm] |
"If you love pecan pie or butter pecan ice cream, you'll go nuts for my mouth-watering Pecan Delight POPPYCOCK. Always crunchy and splendidly scrumptious, these classic clusters are a sweet pecan sensation. You'll savor the tantalizing goodness of abundant fancy pecans and fluffy popcorn smothered with a rich, buttery maple glaze. Treat yourself to my other lip-smacking flavors: The Original, Cashew Lovers and Chocolate Lovers. They make delectable gifts for family and friends, too!
My delicious POPPYCOCK clusters are simply irresistible, so don't be surprised if they disappear in a hurry.
-W.J. Poppycock"
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[27 Oct 2004|04:43pm] |
i found some more italian gore movie goodness.
i don't understand why italian gore movies are so bad with attempting english.
i also posted one here and here and who could forget Zorro...
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| My Advice for you today |
[27 Oct 2004|03:21pm] |
My advice to everyone for today is this:
NEVER try to start a friendship with someone who is undergoing electroconvulsive therapy.
it'll drive you INSANE!
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[26 Oct 2004|05:41am] |
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"I am sick and tired of every character in Wes Anderson's movies wearing funny hats. Funny hats are not interesting characters, they are just hats."
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| Team America |
[23 Oct 2004|04:38pm] |
I saw Team America again last night (it is great) and i wanted to know what people were saying about it at this point. i found a great review that i felt the need to post here:
HATEFUL, NAZI-LIKE, PROPAGANDA FILM, October 17, 2004
Reviewer: Die hard liberal Dan (Baltimore)
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All the mean-spirited creators of this film did was substitute liberal, anti-war movie stars & film makers as America's most deadly enemies. Didn't the Germans do something similar to a different group of people during World War 2? This is truly the most disgusting, violent, liberal-hating, (way beyond bashing), stupid movies I hope to ever see in my lifetime! It's certainly beyond satire or cathartic violence! What's so amusing about a bunch of American fools blowing up some of the world's most important cultural landmarks, or showing scenes of torture in prison?
The gruesome violence at the end of this movie, where every liberal actor and actress in Hollywood is brutally killed, with guts flying every which way, makes it extremely inappropriate for children, or anyone who is not sadistic! I'm a middle-aged adult, and I had to look away from the screen!
Forget about the sex scene, its less than 30-seconds, and certainly not worth the price of admission. Nor has it anything to do with the story line! It's just a ploy for the curious to shell out their hard earned money to purchase a movie ticket.
I felt like walking out towards the end to make a political statement to the audience, but instead I resisted in order to write a thorough review. If you destest being exploited by two guys who are quoted as saying, "We have no political agenda," or by gratuitous violence, constant foul language, or sheer boredom, then consider spending your money elsewhere!
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this man represents everything i hate... well not really but i do get fed up with the people who are militantly politically active. it seems like most of them are just trying to prove that they are superior to anyone who doesn't think like they do. ("I felt like walking out towards the end to make a political statement to the audience")
why does the audience need this guys political statement? isn't it ok for them to just enjoy the movie? i'm sure he bitches about religions pushing their beliefs on him too...
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| all i have to say right now... |
[21 Oct 2004|08:17am] |
this morning i found out that Bill O'Reilly is my new hero. yes i know that sounds silly, but have you people heard about the sex scandal???
if not, let me enlighten you: he is being sued for sexual harassment by a coworker. that is not why he is my hero though... he is my hero because i just read the (alleged) transcript of one of the offending phone conversations. he babbles about going out to the caribbean for a while and how being out there frees people of any inhibition.
HE SAYS TO HER:
"well, if i took you down there then i'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing i'd do... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...
you would basically be in the shower and then i would come in and i'd join you and you would have your back to me and i would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then i would kinda' put my arm- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so i got my hands in it... and i would put it around front, kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand i would start to massage your boobs, get your nipple really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...
so anyway i'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind... and then i would take the other hand with the falafel (sic) thing and i'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease buisness..."
yes it's true... Bill O'Reilly fantasizes about doing chicks with falafel. if that isn't some hardcore (no pun intended) creativity, then i just don't know what is.
sure you might want to rain on my parrade and say "well he was just confused..." (or you might tell me i'm "hawt," in which case i stand by my retard comment)... but in either case FUCK YOU!
he said he was ganna rub her cunt with... falafel....!!!
Confused or not, there is something wondrous about that to me.
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| meh |
[14 Oct 2004|11:30pm] |
i don't really have much to say tonight but i did just find an old picture of me in a dryer at the laundromat. i was always amused by this.
and no, my nails were not painted black because i was an oh so angry teen. i wasn't really into the whole nail-painting-as-rebellion thing. there are other reasons for that in this case.
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| i know i know.... |
[07 Oct 2004|03:35am] |
it's been forever since i've updated this thing, and frankly i really liked taking a break. things have been going alright for me.
( I went to see Chuck Palahniuk )
i have a question for any of the guys reading this who are able to honestly answer a hypothetical about their sexuality. (and any of the girls who have thoughts on this also):
you are a closet-case gay man (in denial) and you are walking around down town when you are confronted by one of two guys. one is extremely flamboyant (wearing a tight pink muscle shirt... with a triangle on it perhaps) and the other is obviously a very very desprate junkie. either of them offers to give you head for 20 dollars.
assumeing you can use whatever precautions/protection you want, which one would you be more likely to take up on their offer and why?
you can answer in the comments section.
that's it for now, kiddies.
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| “Lesko's full of poppycock” |
[06 Oct 2004|08:47pm] |
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book |
mood |
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 apathetic |
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wow. i love Matthew Lesko. he is the shit.
i was watching TV with laina last night and lesko came on with his yellow question mark suit and stupid bow tie. that made my night. it makes me happy watching him do his ads, it's kinda like YATTA that way, i watch it and it gives my life some sort of meaning. everything is fine, just for that 1 minute 30 second TV spot. watching him run around and yell at people... i told laina, i think he is the future of advertising.
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| agenda for monday: My presantation group rapes my ethics class |
[07 Sep 2004|10:19pm] |
for anyone who might yell at me about this (you people know who you are..): i already know it's in bad taste so don't bitch to me about it.....
i know i said i was sick of dead journal but i don't know of another way to express to everyone how well things just fell into place for our presentation.
for those of you who haven't heard all about this, here is the deal: me and 3 other people in my ethics class have to do a presentation on cultural relativism...
( for those of you who don't know, here is a very genneral example of what cultural relativism is )
i of course saw this as a wonderfull opportunity to offend my ethics class. ( why you might ask... well... because of cultural relativism, the holocaust was really an alright thing to instigate... if ya think about it). then i figured i was setting my sights too high because my presentation group would never agree to do that. well... why not do banned movies and show clips from ... say.... uh.... lets see... how bout cannibal holocaust... wasn't there a horrible scene in that one where they really tortured a sea turtle for the movie? wasn't there a scene with a "ritualistic punishment for adultery?" so i miraculously talked my group into showing ( clips from cannibal holocaust.... )but it gets better: i did some persuasion and we came to the conclusion that shock value is actually a good tactic when trying to prove a point like this. one of my group members is getting footage of a "cliterectomy" a.k.a. genital mutilation (which is a standard in some cultures.) i am hoping the class will be properly shellshocked.
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| female trouble |
[05 Sep 2004|05:29am] |
"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!"
- Taffy Davenport (Mink Stole)
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| and he's back! |
[11 Aug 2004|12:42am] |
Never Underestimate The Evil Powers Of Taffy!
i swear to fucking god, saltwater taffy is the poor-mans heroin! I... CAN'T... STOP ..EATING IT!!! at this point i hate it, but it just feels wrong to stop. it's like it's made of magic... not the fluffy happy magic that i am made of, but the dark sinister magic that branches out from the eyes of evil men. the eyes of those sitting on death row who are waiting to die but are already dead inside. soulless, hollow eyes that cast forth a feeling of desperation, want, sorrow and ruin...
that feeling... that kind of magic... that is the stuff this taffy is made of.
So i got home today from my week-long trip up north! it was good times. nothing much happened in that week other then going to that waistland of consumerism otherwise known as the mall of america (that i like very much). we watched movies, went into town, watched more movies, went into town, went to the candy store, bought three and a half pounds of taffy, watched movies. it could have been better, but it could have been much worse as well. now i'm just sittin around.
i usually try not to sink to bathroom humor level but this is a genuine annoyance for me so i'm sorry but i have to say it: i HATE it when someone has ripped the toilet paper in the bathroom not along the perforated line or if there is a piece from the prior sheet still attached to the new one. it annoys me to no end, because it means that someone was so desperate for that paper that they couldn't be bothered with the perforated line.. NO NO NO! THEY NEEDED IT RIGHT THEN! it's what people want these days: instant gratification! well the real world just doesn't work like that! if you want the paper, you should take the extra HALF SECOND(!!) to rip it the CORRECT way! i'm also bothered by Eraserhead baseball caps.
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| go on... laugh at me |
[10 Aug 2004|10:17pm] |
WOW.
Joel posted the best picture of me and Jon ever!!! neither of us looks like ourselves..
jon looks SOOOOOOO fat and hellishly asian. i just look weird... i've never seen a picture of me that i liked, so i guess i'm just not photogenic... at all...
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